This edition of Things I Liked is dedicated to Autostraddle dot com, a website providing anyone interested in girl-on-girl action with every single detail needed to make it happen safely, securely, and with lots of fun.
+ The “Is It Sex” Flowchart:
Female sexuality, let alone queer sexuality, is usually ignored by sex ed programs. Furthermore, whereas many heteros learn about sex together in their early teens, many lesbians don’t start that early and/or aren’t peer socialized into the sexual universe like straights are, not to mention that our entire media culture is structured around and obsessed with heterosexual sex.
So we’re gonna go back to basics. However, as we write this post, we are slightly concerned that we have no fucking idea what we’re talking about. We hope to open a dialogue for commenters to share their own stories and experiences and for everyone to ask questions!
It can be pretty difficult to discuss queer women’s health issues ’cause there just hasn’t been much research done on the rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV in women who like to ride the hobby horse with other women.
I’ve learned just from talking to my friends and other sapphically-inclined ladies that most of y’all are not having safe sex! We don’t worry about unplanned pregnancy and most lesbians seem to think that we don’t have to worry about contracting STIs from our partners either.
How sad, I thought. Here she is at a bar and she’s old. I hope I don’t end up lonely like her.
Isn’t it fun to be the center of your own universe?
What a little shit I was.
To tell you the truth, I used to be on the forefront of pussy shame. I believed the prepubescent boy urban myth that it tasted like either fish (ew) or cheese (double ew). Being gone down on by my boyfriends (this was back when I was dating men) was to be rushed through or avoided if at all possible. I couldn’t stop thinking about how disgusted they must be.
It took being with a woman to finally get over my self-loathing.
In light of my own fiascoes, most often concerning the “morning after,” I’ve decided to try and break sex (and the politics) down into its component parts. My hope being that through analysis I will be able to uncover something that will not result in me lying in people’s beds like a piece of driftwood hoping for some kind of natural disaster to strike. Providing the perfect cover for me to rush out the door before they wake up.
Talking to someone is a great way to convince yourself that you actually understand how they’re feeling, and is extra helpful when you aren’t even sure how you’re feeling. In fact, it’s the only way to gather information on how your partner is feeling that’s accurate, unless you are a bona fide psychic. And so I started to talk. Let’s be honest: our first sexual experiences with women were awkward. Or scary – in the good way. Or clumsy. Or confusing. Or overwhelming. Right? It happens.
Talking made me feel more comfortable with what was going on, and allowed me to explore my sexuality more wholly. I started to ask, and suddenly it wasn’t that overwhelming. In fact, I really liked it. I really, really, really liked it.